You know how things are never as bad as you think they are going to be? That's how I feel right now, as I sit in the "infusion room". I took last week off for Thanksgiving (it was WONDERFUL, I've been blessed with the best family EVER!!!!!! LOVE YALL!!!) so I went 3 weeks without any chemo, and I was starting to get used to feeling normal......to the point where I was beginning to despise coming in today. I got a little taste of the old me and I didn't want to let her go :o( I was pretty annoyed with the thought of coming back here when the family was in town and I think I mentioned how much I was NOT looking forward to it.....I may have even said, "I'm not going to go", to which Shyra replied, "Yes you are, we gotta do what we gotta do." So simple, yet so true....we gotta do what we gotta do (she always says "we", by the way....I just love her!). So here I am, doing what I gotta do :o)
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| 7 pair to go! |
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| the chemo suite :o) |
So, it's pretty awesome today because there's this lady, probably in her 60's who's a die hard Steelers fan, and we've been talking football the last 5 mins :o) There's also a lady here for the first time, she's here with what I think is her husband. You would think that she would be the nervous one with the look of pure terror on her face; but she is as calm as can be, while he looks like he's going to pass out any minute. I sometimes wish it was OK to stare at people....I love trying to figure out what's going on inside other's minds, it's especially interesting in this building. You can almost relate to the smallest thing, like a face someone makes. I think that's why I often feel lonely in a room full of people and most comfortable here, in the "infusion room". I can relate here, we all have one thing in common that brings us together once or twice a week. I know exactly what the lady beside me is talking about when she says, "I would kill to get this taste outta my mouth". I know that if my white blood cells drop below 2.0, it's time for concern. Patients come through the archway and IMMEDIATELY take their wigs off and breath a sigh of relief, why? because this is a safe place. A place where having canSer doesn't get you looked at like you're radioactive. Right now, there's laughter and chatting, almost as if we were in a coffee shop. A patient just almost slipped and fell on her wig and we all laughed hysterically after she said, "Well shit, wouldn't that be ironic if the wig killed me before the canSer did!". We understand each other, and it's hard to believe that anyone outside this circle could possibly get what we're going through. I think that's why I spend so much of my free time alone (except when Wes is here!), it's not because I'm some sad, head case in need of professional help (well maybe!), it's because I'm more comfortable that way. I read somewhere that the hardest part of canSer treatment is the end. We say we wont let canSer change our lives but the truth is, it ABSOLUTELY changes your life, at least while you're getting treated for it! And I'm not saying it's a bad change....my life has definitely changed for the better.....but changed all the same. I guess, that's why the end is hard because, what do you do then? When there's no more treatments? no more appointments? no more buckets of meds to take every 4 hours? no more people telling you how to live your life while you're in treatment? May be kinda hard to get use to right?????? Kinda like being institutionalized, isn't it?!?!? That would be some neat research to do........:o)
OK, so it's about 11:00 am.....been here since 9:00 am and we have about 3 1/2 hours to go. I'm feeling pretty good so far, I have about 30 more minutes of pre-meds, then the real drugs :o) I'll pick back up after that, and we'll see how I'm doing then :o)
So, it's now 6:56 pm and Ive been home for about 2 hrs or so. Actually had an appetite when we left so Wes stopped at Diggers (he's the bestest) and got me some BBQ chicken nachos (best things I've EVER placed in my mouth....do yourself a favor and go get some) and I then proceeded to almost eat the entire thing. Not the healthiest of food choices but I gotta eat what I crave, right?!?!?!?!? I am currently in the bed, listening to Mom and Wes discuss the SEC championship game downstairs, while she decorates the Christmas tree......I'm not gonna lie, I feel like I've been hit by a train (a real big one)....but I'm still smiling :o)))))))))))))))
LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE :o)
~I will give thanks to the LORD with my whole heart; I will recount all of your wonderful deeds.~
Psalms 9:1
~TRUST HIM~
