Whoa Chemo-sabe!

"You gain strength, courage, and confidence, by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, "I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along."....YOU MUST DO THE THING YOU THINK YOU CANNOT DO."
~Eleanor Roosevelt



Don't you LOVE that quote?! I think I've used it before, but it's just so perfect....I have it written on a sticky note on my mirror, so I read it a million times a day (not saying I look in the mirror that much...you get the point!), and it REALLY helps on days like today.  It's like having your own personal cheerleader....that happens to be Eleanor Roosevelt :o)
(((FYI: I strongly suggest finding a quote, or some type of affirmation that fits in your life, and putting it somewhere you'll see everyday.)))

So, being back in the good ole infusion room is not nearly as depressing as I thought it was going to be lol!  I mean, it's definitely not somewhere you wanna revisit, but I can think of some worse places, so I'm not complaining!  It's 10:03am, and I've been going for about an hour now.  Have about another 30 min of the pre-meds, so I feel completely fine so far.  I will admit....I'm a teensy bit anxious about the rest of my cocktail.  These are new drugs, and I have NO idea what to expect from them.  You never know how your body will react to this stuff, so it's kinda pointless reading the side effects on the "chemo for dummies" website, b/c you may or may not experience them.  You know me, all that does is leave me with a million questions who's answers require me to "wait and see"! Here are a couple of my favorites:
  Am I gonna vomit instantly? How long before my hair falls out? Will my principal care if I have a mohawk? Am I gonna be so tired that I can hardly stand? How bad is it gonna make my body ache? How weird is food gonna taste? Can I drink alcohol (red wine is good, remember?!)? Am I really gonna be able to work tomorrow, or am I fooling myself?  Is it gonna work? Can I somehow make sure I get this chair every infusion? What happens if it doesn't work? Can we, FOR ONCE, watch ESPN on one of the TV's?
For real you guys, we NEVER get to watch ESPN, or anything sports related while I'm here! It's a HUGE concern for me....just sayin.
You know one thing I LOVE about coming here?  Everybody (almost everybody) knows exactly what I'm going through.  I don't get looked at like I do everywhere else, I don't have to wonder what people are thinking, I don't feel like "the girl who keeps getting canSer".  It's comfortable being here, and I guess it should be.  No offense to those of you who are wondering if you look at me "that way" (you probably do!), but NEWS FLASH: I DONT FEEL SORRY FOR MYSELF, NEITHER SHOULD YOU! You don't have to look at me like all is lost! You should see some of these faces I get from people! I sometimes wish I had a camera ready, it's actually funny at times!  It's just a lil canSer, no biggie :o)
Yayyyyyyyyyyyy!!!! My Brooklyn just got here!! Good thing too....this party needs to be livened (is that a word?!?!?) up a lil bit :o)))) Sooooooo, peace out for now (yes, I said peace out), I'll give you an "after" report later!

The "after" report (7:14pm)

Ride or Die :o)

I'm gonna be completely and utterly honest with you guys.....I. Feel. Like. Crap.  I was NOT expecting this AT ALL!!! I figured I'd be a little tired, but it's just the first one so it wouldn't be too serious.  I figured incorrectly!  The rest of the infusion wasn't that bad. I reacted a little funny to one of the drugs, so we had to stop a couple times and I had to get some different pre-meds to counteracct my reactions.  There were a couple of funny moments that I couldn't (or I thought I couldn't!) speak correctly.  I coulda SWORN I sounded like I just got back from the dentist, but nobody else could hear it.  I started to get achy and tired a lot earlier than I hoped, and if Brooke hadn't been there, cracking me up, I would've been miserable. Speaking of Brooke....we were looking at old photo albums, laughing hysterically, and listening to her "1994-1999 rap mix" like we were having a sleep over....it was fantastic.  EVERYONE NEEDS A FRIEND LIKE YOU BROOKE, I LOVE YOU MORE THAN FOOTBALL :o)
So anyway, I'm supposed to be going to work tomorrow (I said I was gonna go, so I'm going!), so I am going to sleep.....IMMEDIATELY!!!!

~LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE~

For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.
Isaiah 41:13




Oh.....thanks for the blog title Brooke...definitely MINE now!!!!!!!


and sorry peeps....not proofreading this one either, I'M OUT!