Cort's Blog!!

"God made us cousins, because he knew our moms couldn't handle us as sisters."

~Anonymous

chest tube & liver cath

Soooooo, hey yall! It's been a super long time since I've blogged, huh? So much has happened over the past 8 months I have NO idea where to start....um, I was in the hospital for 40 days and 40 nights (no seriously....40 days and 40 nights).  They found out that I had a pocket of fluid building up around my lungs (which would explain why it hurt every time I took a breath).  I had a lil surgery and had a chest tube inserted to drain the fluid....theeeeeeen, they found ANOTHER pocket of fluid around my liver. Apparently, bile was leaking into my body and reeking all kinds of havoc. Another surgery was scheduled, this time to insert a biliary bag to drain that fluid....I had all kinds of fluid draining into numerous bags attached to my body.  I'm not going to lie, it was horrible! A whole lot went on during my extended stay in the hospital, and I'm sure you guys want to hear all about it, but now is not the time. I still have some AMAZING guest blogs to share, and I wanna get those out before I get back to me!
That being said, you guys know how important my family is to me, and how extremely close we all are. My cousins and I are more like brothers and sisters.  They are always there when I need anything, and they have sacrificed sooooooo much to physically be here.....it just blows my mind how amazing they are. I'm truly blessed, and I thank God for them everyday.  
Cortney, Shyra, and I have spent a lot of time together the past 2 yrs.  The family has started calling us "the three amigos", prob bc we are always up to something (and it's usually fabulous!).  We've already heard from Shy (I still cry when I read it!), and now it's time to hear from the other part of me (they complete me....get it?!), MISS CORTNEY F. CLEVELAND!!! I won't even begin to explain our relationship, bc I can't even find the words. But I'm almost positive she'll be able to, being a writer and
 all ;o) Here we go.....

Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and He shall sustain thee: He shall never suffer the righteous to be moved.
~Psalm 55:22


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For Ebony, The Blueprint

My writing on Ebony is long overdue. It’s fitting because I was long overdue in accepting she had cancer. Cancer. Who decided that my zodiac sign should be the moniker for some shit like this? I don’t even want to write about it. What does Ebony having cancer mean to me? I still haven’t fully wrapped my head around it. I don’t want to.

back in the day.....

The only way for me to do this is to take the scenic route. Let’s start with what Ebony means to me. (Other than the universe and all the stars in it.) Ebony is the blueprint. I thought I was painting pictures until I looked around and realized I was tracing my cousin. Before I could form sentences I started spending every summer with my Aunt Joan, and Ebony became my big sister. She was the coolest. Still is. Smart and LOUD, deranged and completely secure in herself; for better or for worse, Ebony always does what she wants to do. Like since birth.

That’s the biggest thing Ebony has taught me. Trust my gut.It doesn’t matter what other girls are doing, or what other people think is hot. I’m hot, and that’s all the support for my hypothesis I need.

I’ve taken on a lot of her traits. But, every time I see her I’m inspired to be like her a little bit more. Ebony just lives out loud. The person she is in her head is the person she is in the world. My zodiac sign impedes my progress in that area. She makes me want to be better. She makes me want to shout my voice to the world. Because we’re so cool and people need to experience it.

I don’t know if I would be a writer if it weren’t for Ebony. I still remember her room lined with Babysitter’s Club books. She’s the only kid I remember who enjoyed reading, so that made me think it was okay to do the same. Devouring all those books made me think I could spin tales of my own.

When I was told she had cancer it didn’t register. Literally until about two months ago I just viewed Ebony as sick with something like a cough, or a pain that was just passing through. And it did. But, it kept coming back. Which wasn’t helping my denial at all.

Ebony, being Ebony sends for me to come visit her for a screening and her latest round of chemo. She’s shaved off all her hair. But, of course she’s got some graffiti designs taking over half her scalp like she’s bringing the early 90’s back. Because Ebony was swag before swag was swag. She greets me at the airport in full force – screaming at random passerbys, telling airport employees she’s Irish, contorting her face into some weird Salvador Dali painting – the usual.

Support for my blissful ignorance! Everything’s normal, just less hair. She’s slower though. Ebony’s always been a mover. Especially since she got a driver’s license, it’s our custom to stay in the wind. Mind you she’s still getting a lot accomplished, hitting the club in stilettos and pulling herself a new man (a vanilla swirl at that, werk!). What cancer patient is making moves like that? But, still something was different.

And then we go to chemo. I was in such a haze by then, I didn’teven realize this was the big appointment the trip had been building up to. She gets an update about a cell count or something. It’s gobbledygook to my ears because it’s not gone. It’s not over.

We wait the eight hours for white coats to fill her up with chemicals. The woman one seat over randomly breaks down as soon as we sit down. Realness was upon us. Chemo changes Ebony. Now she’s tired and dazed like she just got out of the ring. If this is the medication, what the hell is the disease doing!?!

chemo shenanigans 

Denial finally dries up. Ebony has cancer. The thing is, Idon’t know what I’m supposed to do with this information. My cousin has a life-threatening disease that she keeps beating the brakes off of. Even now that I’ve faced the truth of the matter, I’m still coping with it in a similar way as before. It’s still a passing phase, here today and gone in a tomorrow very soon. Cancer isn’t something I can tie to Ebony. Bass-rattling road rage, high kicks on trampolines, laughter-filled sleepovers, memories old and new – those are the things that I tie to her. There are just too many good things to make space for cancer. So, I won’t.

ME AND MY CC

I WANNA SCREAM A HUGE THANK YOU TO; BROOKLYN, DANNY, KEL, AND TARA.  THESE FANTASTIC PEOPLE SURPRISED ME AT CHEMO ON MY BIRTHDAY.  CANsER HAS CONSUMED MY LIFE TO THE POINT THAT, THAT LITTLE BIRTHDAY SURPRISE GAVE ME SOME NORMALCY BACK.  YOU GUYS MEAN THE WORLD TO ME, THANK YOU!

PARTY IN THE CHEMO SUITE!

JUST A QUICK REMINDER THAT COLON CANCER AWARENESS MONTH IS IN MARCH!! IF YOU WANT MORE INFORMATION, AND WANT TO HELP THIS AMAZING ORGANIZATION, PLEEEAAASEE GO TO www.ccalliance.org.  GO AHEAD....CLICK ON IT, LEARN SOMETHING NEW.....KNOWLEDGE IS POWER!

DONT FORGET, MARCH 4 IS DRESS IN BLUE DAY.....I WENT TO THE SITE EARLIER AND BOUGHT MY SHIRT, YOUR TURN!!!!!

GET SCREENED YOU GUYS! ENCOURAGE YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILIES, AND SHOUT RANDOM COLON CANsER FACTS AND STATISTICS TO PERFECT STRANGERS! THE LIFE YOU SAVE MAY BE YOUR OWN!

LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE,

EBS