Autumn's Blog!

"I'm trying to tell you something about my life. Maybe give me insight between black and white. The best thing you've ever done for me, is to help me take my life less seriously......it's only life after all"
~The Indigo Girls (Closer to Fine)


So guys, today was scan day, and ya know what?!?! I wasn't freaking out (that much lol), at all!! I walked in there cooler than a polar bears toenails ($2 to the first person who can tell me who said that last line). This scan was the big one. The one that's gonna tell us what the newbie (Avastin, 5th drug added to my cocktail) has been doing the past 4 rounds (IT FREAKIN BETTER HAVE BEEN GOING ON A CANsER KILLING RAMPAGE DAMMIT!!!!!).  The good news already is, my tumor markers are down (YAAAY!), and my blood counts all look fantastic, so.....we are on our way to being canSer free people!!! We get the results during my next treatment on the 20th, so keep those prayers, thoughts, and positive energy coming, we have some warriors on our side, that's for sure!!! I , of course, will keep you posted in some over dramatic way :o)


~LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE~


~I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.~
Psalms 91:2

Okie dokie....Most of you know I lived in Savannah (shout out!) for a good 7 or 8 years. It wasn't just a stop over place to me. It was home. The people I met there weren't just "placeholders" for my friends in ATL. They became family.....and they still very much are :o) 

 One of these friends, in particular, didn't simply make an impression on me.....she basically branded me with a blazing hot iron, that screamed, "You're mine now!" With Autumn, you don't have a choice. She doesn't let you decide whether or not you're gonna be a staple in her life....she sorta demands it lol. It's definitely one of the reasons I love her so much...she'll prob tell our story better though, so here it is.....

Autumn's Blog:

I have no concept of time. Sometimes I am unable to decipher if an event happened a month a go or two years back. I remember only strange memories and not particularly in the order that they occurred. Every year on December 31st I declare my resolution to not lose ten pounds, but instead to live within the moment. My moments. So when I received a text message from you urging me to write to you, and about you (and our relationship) I panicked because I'm not good at this stuff due to my inability to be present. Not because my love is not intense for you, because it it. Not because I am too busy, because time as you have shown us is sometimes all that we have, whether it be one year or 80 years. We make due with what we have and live, love, and laugh as much as possible within those moments. Our moments.  

The day we met. I remember seeing you and that is the extent of it. The next thing I recall is that we were inseparable. Two peas in a pod. I truthfully can not even tell you how it happened. If one of us wasn't present we were never met with a simple hello, but instead with the question of where was the other one. People took notice if one was absent. The best I can describe it with the hopes of it not sounding too weird is as finding another love of my life. Our relationship was like a lightening bolt. It was fiery and fast, with enough energy to light up a room and keep it ablaze for hours. I always know that I have found another piece to my puzzle through phone interactions. When with the silence of time spent apart, the phone can ring and it can be answered not with a "how have you been" but instead a "So, I just ....." as if the last conversation never even ended. I love those conversations. I love that with certain friendships and relationships time in a sense can seem to stand still. It is going on two years since I last saw you and there are times that six months pass between phone conversations and yet the closeness never widens. 

So, when I received that phone call three years a go telling me of the cancer I was crushed. We hadn't talked in a while and I was hit directly in the face with the thought that cancer could take my friend. You were in the hospital if I remember correctly, and you assured me that it was simply a bump in the road. I believed you. I wiped my hands of the experience. You were healthy and we went about our business. Next year. Same thing. Another phone call. Treatment. A clean bill of health. Third year. Another phone call? When you called with the news that the cancer was back and had spread it just seemed like minutes upon minutes passed with only tears... no words, and then the anger came. You know when that mad girl within you starts to bubble over and you want to ball your fists, stomp your feet, and let that primal scream from way deep down in your belly come roaring out? That is what I wanted to do, but instead I yelled at you "I'm so #&*@**# mad!" What a poet I am. So here we are today. In the midst of our third treatment with all the hopeful, positive energy and fight mixed with the fear and anger that cancer blankets us with. I have watched you fight through this with a grace and beauty that only someone of spectacular strength could achieve. I have witnessed you come to find a deeper love for your faith and family. I have witnessed you let go of things that were no longer healthy for you. I have witnessed a great shield form around you that is made with pure love from your friends both near and far. I have witnessed you sit patiently for the last three years in hopes that life could soon resume cancer free. 

So back to time. Because of you I try to live more authentically. I don't want so much time blacked out by idle thoughtlessness. It can no longer be a matter of taking notice of the movement of time for the first week of January and then allowing preoccupying thoughts to take over and not live within the moment, for the moment. It has shifted into a year long journey that will undoubtedly turn into a lifelong gathering of making adventures reality both alone and partnered with loved ones into a grand story, never to be forgotten. None of us know what lies ahead, but we are fighters. We have proved that, haven't we? We have our scars and have managed to always pull ahead. This time will be no different. You are not defined by cancer. You are defined by the brilliant, sweet soul that you are. You are both my friend and my family. Forever. Kisses. 

my Auti :o)

"IT'S ONLY LIFE....AFTER ALL" :o)

Looooooove UUUUUU!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ITS ALMOST RELAY TIME PEOPLE!!!! GET YOUR WALKING SHOES READY :o) PRESS PLAY!

Join us this year!!!!

setting up the luminaries  <3

Click on the link to donate to this AMAZING CAUSE, and help me reach my fundraising goal!!!!!!...u know u wanna!!!!!!!
https://secure3.convio.net/tacs/site/Donation2?1009608.donation=form1&idb=1286757320&df_id=1009608&FR_ID=39714&PROXY_ID=19439918&PROXY_TYPE=20







Click on the link for a list of activities going on during Colon Cancer Awareness Month....GET INVOLVED!!
http://ccalliance.org/bluestar_calendar/index.html



THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL THE PRAYERS, THOUGHTS, AND POSITIVE ENERGY YESTERDAY....GOOD NEWS IS COMING ;o)


love love love love love u!!!!!!

Brooke's Blog!!!!

"You were my strength when I was weak, You were my voice when I couldn't speak, You were my eyes when I couldn't see, You saw the best there was in me, lifted me up when I couldn't reach, You gave me faith cause you believed I'm everything I am, because you loved me."
~Celine Dion (Because You Loved Me)


So, I just wanna say this real quick before we begin......I. AM. OVER. CHEMO! Omg y'all, this has been the worst chemo cycle I have ever had!!! Today is the first day that I've felt somewhat normal since treatment....AND IT''S ALREADY TIME TO GO BACK!!! UGH!! Don't get me wrong, I know it's doing a good thing, and I know that it's necessary. I'm just not really feelin it currently.  I've been talking to y'all for a while now, so I feel as if we're close enough for me to say just about anything.....to vent, if you will.  So here's my venting for today: I AM SICK AND TIRED, OF BEING SICK AND TIRED!! I really feel like I'm gonna lose it sometimes.  I miss my job, I miss regular clothes, I miss having stuff to do, I miss having conversations not involving canSer, I miss not having 330 medications to take everyday, I MISS MY LIFE. No worries though, I don't have any doubts that I wont get it back....I'm allowed to vent every once in a while danngit! I mean, I do have canSer lol!


So, what did you guys think of the last blog?!?!!?? I absolutely love hearing what everybody has to say! I didn't make this clear the last time, but anybody can write one.  If you feel like you have something to say, by all means, write it, and shoot it to me in an email! I'd love to hear from you :o) 

22 yrs of awesomeness :o)

Brooke & Danny!

OK, so Brooke's blog is obviously next...I think the next time, I'm just going to post them without reading them first.  It took me about two hours to get through Brooke's, I was literally crying like a baby.  I mean hardcore crying, you know, the kind of crying where you have all kinds of fluid running down your face, and you can't even distinguish where it's coming from! The kind of crying where you're making faces that would no doubt scare a small child, and noises that are completely unnatural....yall know what I'm talking about!!! That's how I was attempting to read what you all are about to read!!  I'll let Brooke explain our relationship, but if you can't tell by my opening quote.....this girl is no doubt my soulmate.  She means the world to me, her family means the world to me (I actually consider myself a part of her marriage, true story!), her children mean the world to me (it makes NO sense how much I love those boys!), our friendship means the world to me. She is my sister, and my best friend, and I love her with every inch of my being.


~LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE~


~Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.  Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken~
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12


~TRUST HIM~


Brooke's Blog:

    Ebony and I met when we were nine years old and cheering for the same football team. I was clumsy and uncoordinated, whereas she was clearly athletic and all ready showing signs of that natural talent we have all watched develop  into something extraordinary. For some reason, she took pity on me, and pulled me aside to help me learn the cheers and practice my jumps. That, or she realized how awful I was and didn't want to be embarrassed when we actually had an audience. Either way, Ebony showed her true character in the first interaction between us so many years ago- she took the time to use her gifts to help someone she didn't know, for no other reason than she inherently knew that it was the right thing to do. That's just who she is, how she was raised, the type of family that this is. To be honest, I don't remember my life before Ebony was in it. I'm serious, I've tried! But no matter how tightly I closed my eyes, or how hard I concentrated on those years before I called Ebony my best friend, I came up with nothing. It's as if we met, and the rest was history. Our lives became instantly intertwined in an incredible friendship that has truly helped to shape the person that I've become.

       A few years ago, Ebony called me with news that rocked me to my core-she had cancer. CANCER?! Ebony? MY Ebony? No freaking way! Now, I'm going to be completely honest with you guys, because Eb asked me to, and this is her blog, her fight, her ultimate triumph. When she first told me this, I was angry, I was confused, but mostly I was just terrified. The overwhelming feeling of sheer terror that I might lose the best friend I have ever had literally took my breath away. I didn't tell Ebony any of this, because she, in true Ebony fashion, was too busy trying to keep ME from being upset to give me any indication of how she might be feeling about the situation. Throughout this entire ordeal, she has steadfastly remained optimistic and anchored by her faith, continuing to live her life on her own terms, and refusing to let this evil opponent control her or disrupt her life any more than she had to. She rarely complains, she is always smiling and laughing and trying to get those around her to do the same. She has put her complete faith in God to help heal her of this disease, and her spirituality has given her the peace to still be able to enjoy life, even when facing trials and tribulations that most of us will never understand. It has given her the strength to look this beast in the eyes twice, emerge victorious, and the tenacity to be right back there for a third go round, still with a smile on her face and a fight in her heart.

       So, while at first, I'll admit, I was scared and furious with the world, having the opportunity to be by her side for so many of the small battles that she must fight every day has helped me to see that I am NOT afraid of cancer. Not anymore. I've seen what awesome power comes from faith, love and incredible courage. I have seen this amazing woman stand up to cancer, scare that bitch right back where she came came from, enjoy a few months off, then buck up and do it all again. Now here we are smack in the middle of round three, the toughest one yet, and ebony is still coming out with both arms swinging, as beautiful as ever, and continuing to touch lives wherever she goes. The round will go to Ebony as well, of this I am certain, because Ebony's job here on this earth is not finished. Not at all. In fact, it's only just begun. She has so much more in store for her, and I for one can not wait to see what else she will accomplish in her lifetime. She is destined for greatness, mark my words.

      I truly feel that Ebony is my sister, in every way that matters, and I am so incredibly blessed to have her in my life. I don't think it was coincidence that we ended up on that football field together as little girls. I believe that someone had a hand in this, that we were brought together because our bond would help to heal her in some small way during this, the fight of her life. Watching her these past few years has changed me, has shown me so many things about life. Her grace and quiet resolve have been nothing short of awe-inspiring. I am amazed by her every day. Throughout these 22 years, I have come to call her family my own, and I truly feel that they are. Seeing them band together to lift Ebony in spirit and to tend to her every need has made me more honored than ever to be a part of this family. I have always admired them, felt unconditionally loved by them and been thankful to have them in my life, but now, seeing what I have seen, experiencing it first hand, has been overwhelming for me. Being a mother, I now truly understand the love you have for your child, and her parents are a shining example of exactly what a loving parent should be. 

      Ebony, I'm so proud of you, of who you've become and where you are going. You are my best friend, my sister, my partner in crime, but you are so much more. It's difficult for me to articulate how much you really mean to me, but I think you know. I believe our bond is so strong, that you have no doubt that there is nothing in this world that I wouldn't do for you. You are the funniest person I have ever met, you crack me up on a daily basis. You bring happiness with you wherever you go, chemo included! ( Shout out to my home girls at GCS!! <3) You are so incredibly special. You are a warrior princess, a soldier beyond compare and truly the best friend that anyone could ever ask for. I love you so very much, and want to thank you for allowing me to share this journey with you. I'm here every step of the way.  RIDE OR DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                                                                               

                                                 Love you forever,

                                                              Brooklyn

RIDE or DIE!!!!!!!!

chemo shenanigans with The Kinders!!!

                                                                                          

GUESS WHAT?!?!?!?!

ITS COLON CANCER AWARENESS MONTH!!!!!!!!!

GET EDUCATED, GET SCREENED!!!!!!

http://www.ccalliance.org/

LOOOOOVE U!!!!!!

JUST WANTED TO SHOUT OUT KELLIE GUSKE REAL QUICK...OVER THE 
WEEKEND, SHE CUT OFF 8IN OF HER HAIR AND DONATED IT TO LOCKS OF LOVE IN MY NAME.....KELLIE YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY AMAZING AND YOUR SELFLESSNESS HAS MADE SOME KIDS DAY!!!!!  THANK YOU, AND I LOVE YOU TO PIECES!!!!




2ND SCAN COMING UP ON THE 13TH!! JUST FYI :O)


LOVE U GUYS :O)


oh-if you comment (and please do, love reading them!), please put your name,,,,,,unless you're keeping it anonymous for a reason lol!