Autumn's Blog!

"I'm trying to tell you something about my life. Maybe give me insight between black and white. The best thing you've ever done for me, is to help me take my life less seriously......it's only life after all"
~The Indigo Girls (Closer to Fine)


So guys, today was scan day, and ya know what?!?! I wasn't freaking out (that much lol), at all!! I walked in there cooler than a polar bears toenails ($2 to the first person who can tell me who said that last line). This scan was the big one. The one that's gonna tell us what the newbie (Avastin, 5th drug added to my cocktail) has been doing the past 4 rounds (IT FREAKIN BETTER HAVE BEEN GOING ON A CANsER KILLING RAMPAGE DAMMIT!!!!!).  The good news already is, my tumor markers are down (YAAAY!), and my blood counts all look fantastic, so.....we are on our way to being canSer free people!!! We get the results during my next treatment on the 20th, so keep those prayers, thoughts, and positive energy coming, we have some warriors on our side, that's for sure!!! I , of course, will keep you posted in some over dramatic way :o)


~LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE~


~I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.~
Psalms 91:2

Okie dokie....Most of you know I lived in Savannah (shout out!) for a good 7 or 8 years. It wasn't just a stop over place to me. It was home. The people I met there weren't just "placeholders" for my friends in ATL. They became family.....and they still very much are :o) 

 One of these friends, in particular, didn't simply make an impression on me.....she basically branded me with a blazing hot iron, that screamed, "You're mine now!" With Autumn, you don't have a choice. She doesn't let you decide whether or not you're gonna be a staple in her life....she sorta demands it lol. It's definitely one of the reasons I love her so much...she'll prob tell our story better though, so here it is.....

Autumn's Blog:

I have no concept of time. Sometimes I am unable to decipher if an event happened a month a go or two years back. I remember only strange memories and not particularly in the order that they occurred. Every year on December 31st I declare my resolution to not lose ten pounds, but instead to live within the moment. My moments. So when I received a text message from you urging me to write to you, and about you (and our relationship) I panicked because I'm not good at this stuff due to my inability to be present. Not because my love is not intense for you, because it it. Not because I am too busy, because time as you have shown us is sometimes all that we have, whether it be one year or 80 years. We make due with what we have and live, love, and laugh as much as possible within those moments. Our moments.  

The day we met. I remember seeing you and that is the extent of it. The next thing I recall is that we were inseparable. Two peas in a pod. I truthfully can not even tell you how it happened. If one of us wasn't present we were never met with a simple hello, but instead with the question of where was the other one. People took notice if one was absent. The best I can describe it with the hopes of it not sounding too weird is as finding another love of my life. Our relationship was like a lightening bolt. It was fiery and fast, with enough energy to light up a room and keep it ablaze for hours. I always know that I have found another piece to my puzzle through phone interactions. When with the silence of time spent apart, the phone can ring and it can be answered not with a "how have you been" but instead a "So, I just ....." as if the last conversation never even ended. I love those conversations. I love that with certain friendships and relationships time in a sense can seem to stand still. It is going on two years since I last saw you and there are times that six months pass between phone conversations and yet the closeness never widens. 

So, when I received that phone call three years a go telling me of the cancer I was crushed. We hadn't talked in a while and I was hit directly in the face with the thought that cancer could take my friend. You were in the hospital if I remember correctly, and you assured me that it was simply a bump in the road. I believed you. I wiped my hands of the experience. You were healthy and we went about our business. Next year. Same thing. Another phone call. Treatment. A clean bill of health. Third year. Another phone call? When you called with the news that the cancer was back and had spread it just seemed like minutes upon minutes passed with only tears... no words, and then the anger came. You know when that mad girl within you starts to bubble over and you want to ball your fists, stomp your feet, and let that primal scream from way deep down in your belly come roaring out? That is what I wanted to do, but instead I yelled at you "I'm so #&*@**# mad!" What a poet I am. So here we are today. In the midst of our third treatment with all the hopeful, positive energy and fight mixed with the fear and anger that cancer blankets us with. I have watched you fight through this with a grace and beauty that only someone of spectacular strength could achieve. I have witnessed you come to find a deeper love for your faith and family. I have witnessed you let go of things that were no longer healthy for you. I have witnessed a great shield form around you that is made with pure love from your friends both near and far. I have witnessed you sit patiently for the last three years in hopes that life could soon resume cancer free. 

So back to time. Because of you I try to live more authentically. I don't want so much time blacked out by idle thoughtlessness. It can no longer be a matter of taking notice of the movement of time for the first week of January and then allowing preoccupying thoughts to take over and not live within the moment, for the moment. It has shifted into a year long journey that will undoubtedly turn into a lifelong gathering of making adventures reality both alone and partnered with loved ones into a grand story, never to be forgotten. None of us know what lies ahead, but we are fighters. We have proved that, haven't we? We have our scars and have managed to always pull ahead. This time will be no different. You are not defined by cancer. You are defined by the brilliant, sweet soul that you are. You are both my friend and my family. Forever. Kisses. 

my Auti :o)

"IT'S ONLY LIFE....AFTER ALL" :o)

Looooooove UUUUUU!

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ITS ALMOST RELAY TIME PEOPLE!!!! GET YOUR WALKING SHOES READY :o) PRESS PLAY!

Join us this year!!!!

setting up the luminaries  <3

Click on the link to donate to this AMAZING CAUSE, and help me reach my fundraising goal!!!!!!...u know u wanna!!!!!!!
https://secure3.convio.net/tacs/site/Donation2?1009608.donation=form1&idb=1286757320&df_id=1009608&FR_ID=39714&PROXY_ID=19439918&PROXY_TYPE=20







Click on the link for a list of activities going on during Colon Cancer Awareness Month....GET INVOLVED!!
http://ccalliance.org/bluestar_calendar/index.html



THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL THE PRAYERS, THOUGHTS, AND POSITIVE ENERGY YESTERDAY....GOOD NEWS IS COMING ;o)


love love love love love u!!!!!!