Chemo...it's what's for breakfast :o)

So, I am currently sitting in the "infusion room" (guess "chemo room" is too much) and I'm happy to say, it's not NEARLY as bad I thought.  I mean, the needle in the port thing was a little weird but, that's about the extent of excitement. The nurses here are great, and everyone seems to treat the experience like you're in a spa instead of getting cancer treatment.  I am sitting in the most comfortable recliner in the world with a blanket and fuzzy socks....and to top that all off, there's a volunteer (probably the sweetest lady in the world) who just walks around making sure everyone is OK and hands you juice, tea, ice chips, crackers, anything you need.....you can have whatever you like (in my best T.I. voice) and, to top that all off, every once in a while she just walks by, smiles, and pats your feet :o)

gotta make fun yourself :o)

So, I guess the hard part is over, I got the first one over with (not completely, still have 3 1/2 hours left).  After I go home with the pump, it's a "wait and see" game.  There's a list about a mile long full of possible side effects, and I have no clue which ones I may or may not get.  That part is definitely stirring up a little anxiety.  If there's one thing that drives me crazy, it's not knowing.  I have to know what's going to happen, and I can't stand waiting around for things to maybe happen. I'm realizing that I need to work on that because in this crappy cancer world....there's A LOT of "let's just wait and see".
Those of you who know me well, know that psychology is my first love (I was a psych major...a couple times!) and because of that, people watching is one of my favorite things to do.  That's a little difficult (but so interesting) here in the "infusion room".  Just at first glance, you can see that there is everything on the cancer spectrum represented here.  There are some people who are extremely upbeat and positive (me!), and there are also those who seem mad at the world and extremely negative (the lady who was just beside me).  She spent the last hour complaining about the drugs, the cancer, her life, her kids, her mother-in-law, and her cat (yes, her cat).  Don't get me wrong, venting is something that has to be done in order to cope with things but, JEEEEEEEEZZZZZ lady!! How about you NOT tell me how horrible chemo is right after I tell you it's my first time! AND STOP BEING SO NEGATIVE!!! It may actually help...it's like I always say, “Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are." (Yea, I don't say that...that's a quote from Bernice Johnson Reagon...sounds good though!)

(Time lapse 11:30 am-7:46 pm)



staring at the port in the car wondering what to do with it...



OK, I'm home now and it's been a super weird past couple of hours. The treatment process went as well as it could've gone and all my labs look good. Dr. Duke said, "I'm really pleased with our progress".....Are those the words you wanna hear from your oncologist or what?!?!?!? The explanation of the port and some of the meds I'll be taking was a tad bit confusing....I thank God everyday that I have a perfectionist mother who refuses to miss something!!! If I didn't, I would have already mixed the wrong meds and be twitching and temporarily paralyzed, accidentally ripped my port out, and reached into the fridge!! She's MY hero....for realz :o) Speaking of reaching into the fridge, (if you don't know about this AMAZING side effect, see the blog before this one!) I of course went to open it and grab something cold but was stopped by a sign on the handle that says, "Ebony STOP!!!!" (Mom, of course!). That sign saved my ADD brain from putting my chemo body through some weirdness that none of us felt like dealing with!

I am definitely feeling like something is going on inside the good ole body...that's for sure.  Nothing too crazy has happened (Mom, you BETTER not tell anybody what happened in the store!!!!!!) and my plan is to keep it that way!  I guess, this isn't NEARLY as bad as having cancer so I don't have much to complain about :o) While I was sitting there, I started to wonder about how everyone else felt. There was a young woman there who looked pretty sick (which doesn't mean she was, could mean her cocktail mix is pretty hard core).  I found myself watching her smile, and joke with her friends and family and tell the nurse she was OK when I could tell by her face that she wasn't.  I watched her struggle, trying to get her frail body out of the chair and go to the bathroom, and then laugh hysterically when she almost fell.  I watched her and I decided that she was my new hero.  The strength of this woman dripped off of her like wax off of a candle and then...off into the atmosphere it went for all to latch on to :o) You could not only feel her strength, you feel the love from the 7-10 people that cycled in and out for about 5 hours.  It was truly amazing to watch. One thing I know, cancer will force you to find strength you didn't even know you had. The key is finding it, and not being afraid of it...because it along with your faith, will save your life...as well as your sanity. The scary thing is, I sometimes wonder how long this strength will last....

"If the enemy is not coming against you at some point in your life, that's a sign you're not headed anywhere"

~Pastor Laura Pickett

~Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides.~

James1:2

~TRUST HIM~



a little port fun :o)

 Livestrong.com

Livestrong Day is October 2, go to the site for more info on what activities are happening around you :o) 

My Momma is the best!

~~UNRELATED INFO~~
HAPPY BIRTHDAY (9.23) TO THE BESTEST FRIEND IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD, BROOKE KINDER (RAINEY)!!!!!! LOVE U MORE THAN HOT SAUCE :o)

CONGRATS TO MR. & MRS. HOOVER!! I WISH YOU GUYS ALL THE HAPPINESS IN THE WORLD.... AND MRS. HOOVER (JUST HAD TO SAY IT!) I LOVE YOU DEARLY :o)

I'd much rather go to the hospital than go to the dentist!

"If you let go a little you will have little peace.
If you let go a lot you will have a lot of peace.
~Ajahn Chah

(This one is for you, Stacey Pickett!!! Love u!!!!)



Being an idot while the doc was out of the room :o)



Why in the WORLD is the dentist so freaking scary?!?!?! I mean, 9 times out 10 nothing too bad is going to happen, and when the bad stuff does happen, your mouth is full of novocaine or you're knocked out (yes, I do have a cavity or two!).  So what's the big deal??? Well, for me, I think it's the noise (and I can't STAND metal in my mouth...or scraping noises).  It's 2010, can we not make some dental instruments that don't sound like jackhammers?!?!?!? Not cool.....

I also had to go to the eye doctor this week, which is also an experience I don't place high on my "things I love to do" list. Am I the only one who has to take a xanax to prepare myself for that puff of air (it's actually two evil puffs) they blow in your eye?!?!?! HORRIBLE!!!!!!! Good thing about that appointment was, I now have a pair of contacts that are not ripped and full of protein deposits, so I can see again! :o)

So, the reason I have to get all these appointments taken care of is because my chemo vacay officially starts next Wednesday.  My chemo case manager (yes, I have a case manager!) suggested that I get these appointments taken care of before teatment starts.  There are 16 billion possible (and I stress possible, I have GOD on my side!) side effects of chemo therapy drugs, and some of mine include mouth and eye issues sooooo, there ya go!

My chemo case manager (she is FABULOUS!!!), talked to us for a good 45 minutes about any and everything I may, or may not expect.  I'm not going to lie, some of it sounds super scary....like the one side effect that prevents me from having any feeling in my throat, so I don't know if I'm breathing because I can't feel air going down my throat.......crazy right?!?!?!?!? This particular side effect happens whenever I come into contact with anything cold.  Drinks, food, touching a cold object, going outside in the cold, even opening the refrigerator door!  To remedy this "not knowing I'm breathing" thing, someone has to quicky blow a blow dryer in my face...WHAT?!?!?!?!? Somebody better keep a blow dryer handy, for realz :o)

I don't think I'm nervous about chemo, I just think that chemo makes the fact that I HAD (and I stress had...) cancer all the more real. I try not to, but I often wonder, if we would have done this (chemo thing) last year, would the cancer have come back??? Will it prevent it from coming back again?? What am I gonna do if it comes back again?? I've said this qoute before, and I'll say it again:

"...The bottom line is, even though the cancer may go away, knowing that you had cancer doesn't.  The fear of it coming back doesn't go away, either".

~Sheryl Crow

I can't even begin to explain to you how true that is.  I kinda think that I made it through these last two episodes LIKE A CHAMP!! But I gotta wonder, how much "superwoman" do I have in me?????? I'm not going to lie, the fear of it coming back scares me to death...but, then again...as long as God is on my side, it can come back as many times as it wants!!! OOOOHHHHHHH, take that cancer :o)



Port under my skin where I will get the goods :o)



Like I said earlier, chemo starts next Wednesday (29th) and I'm doing a 6 month treatment. I go in on Wednesday morning and get 4-5 hours of chemo in the office.  I then get sent home with a pump and do the rest of the meds at home for 48 hours.  I go back in the office on Friday and get the pump turned off, and repeat that process every 12 days (many of you may still be stuck on that whole 4-5 hour thing every other Wednesday, I was!)...visitors are welcome, come have cocktail hour with me! (many of you have no choice, you know who you are!!!!)

All in all, I feel GREAT! I keep telling people I feel like I can take over the world (don't act like I cant!). I am definitely, without a doubt...blessed and highly favored :o)
"...and I know, you favored me because, my enemies did try, but couldn't triumph over me"
~Hezekiah Walker & LFC, God Favored Me Pt. 1

healthy eating tidbit:

READ THE INGREDIENTS!!!! If you cant pronounce it, it's probably not good for you. If you're not sure, call the company 800 number and ask what it is.....example:

 Carmine, cochineal, and carminic acid are commonly found in food products that use red dye...it is red pigment from the crushed female cochineal insect (ewwwwww!), go ahead...eat that red lollipop and drink your red juice now! (trust me, that's not even CLOSE to being the worst one!)

Stay Healthy!!!

"Somebody told me I had major balls today. I agreed. We both got it wrong though, I don't have nothing but a little faith (that happens to move mountains)."

~Cortney Cleveland

(love u!!!!!!!!!!!)

~But you are a shield around me, O LORD; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head.~

Psalms 3:3

~TRUST HIM~



I chopped it off!!!!!



SU2C.org     NEVER TOO LATE TO GET INVOLVED!! GO TO THE SITE :o)



Thank you, cancer....

"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, "I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along." . . . You must do the thing you think you cannot do."  

~Eleanor Roosevelt~

I decided, yesterday, that I wasn't going to be mad at cancer anymore.  I decided this because, I think cancer wants me to be mad and, being the rebillious spirit that I am, I'm going against the grain.  I was trying to sit a certain way yesterday and got frustrated when I couldn't (the 12 in. incision on my stomach can be quite annoying). That frustration quickly turned to anger and I started to think about all the things that this diagnosis has put me and my family through. Well, that's obviously no way to think so, I quickly turned my negative thoughts into positive ones. I soon realized that cancer has given me more than it could ever take away, and for that reason, I am thanking cancer...yep, you heard correctly.  Without cancer, I would not have this new love for life, I wouldn't have this fabulous relationship with God, and I definitely would not be this healthy!  I have talked to friends that I haven't spoken to in years, I spent a fabulous week with my aunt and cousins, I've read 3 books, I have a completely refurbished attitude....about EVERYTHING, I go to sleep and wake up with a smile on my face, I just had surgery and I feel stronger than ever, my father made salad dressing out of olive oil and vinegar instead of using the unhealthy stuff (WOW!!).....I owe all this, and much more, to cancer. 

This diagnosis has given me the opportunity to completely re-examine my life and it has been an interesting journey, to say the least :o)  Why is it that some type of catastrophic event has to take place before people realize they may need to make a few life changes?!?!? We all need to stop every once and a while and take a good look in the mirror, if you like what you see...great, good for you!! if not....make a change, it's a lot easier than you think. (Did I just blog the lyrics to Man in Mirror?!?!?!)

So, as most of you know, I recieved the path report and it looks like the tumors were completely removed (YAAAAAYYYY GOD!!!) and the rest of my liver looks good.  I meet with "Dr. Duke" tomorrow afternoon and hopefully will leave that appointment knowing the chemo plan.  One more little tiny hurdle to get over.....and I'm ready for it :o)

THANK YOU soooooooooooooooo very much for all the prayers, thoughts, cards, flowers, books, emails, text messages, positive energy, and jokes.  You guys have no idea how much all of it means, it leaves me speechless every single day.  I am truly blessed to have such amazing people in my corner.....lets get ready for round 2 :o)

TOMORROW NIGHT @ 8:00 (I THINK) YOU MUST TUNE IN TO THE STAND UP TO CANCER TELETHON.

I believe that it is being televised on all four major networks.  Tune in for a little while, make a donation if you can...follow the link to learn more :o)

http://www.standup2cancer.org/

IF YOU CARE ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR BODY & WHAT GOES IN IT, YOU MUST READ THIS BOOK!

~A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.~

Proverbs 17:22

~Trust Him~

GO TO THE LINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!