It's not all about me......

"For everything you have missed, you have gained something else, and for everything you gain, you lose something else."

~Ralph Waldo Emerson

I haven't blogged in a while, I know.  I think it's because my head hasn't been in the prettiest of places :o)  You would think that, being so close to the end of treatment, I'd be running around doing back flips.......not the case.  I guess that (not to sound cliche), when you get to the end, you can't help but think about the beginning.  Don't get me wrong, I am super excited about the end and I can't wait, but I can't help but think about all that has changed on the way.  I sometimes look in the mirror and feel like I am looking at a stranger.  Who is that girl with all the scars? Who is that girl with the dark circles under her eyes? Who is that girl who can barely stand up straight because she's so tired? Who's hair is this that all of a sudden decided to start falling out? What is that thing sticking out of her chest? WHO IS THAT GIRL? Then, I remember.....that girl is me.  Trust me, I am in no way looking for sympathy....that's the LAST thing I want.  I guess I'm just trying to get across that this sucks!! and it's OK to say it sucks!!  The thing is, it doesn't just suck for me.  I think I've been so wrapped up in my situation and what it has done to me and my life, I've forgotten that I am not the only person who has been changed by it.  I've said it before, I can't stand the fact that people (my fam especially) have had to make certain changes in their lives to make sure I was (am) getting what I needed.  Whether it was dropping everything to come to ATL for one of my surgeries, or changing their entire schedule around to ensure I never had to go to chemo alone, or even understanding that I don't feel like talking so I'm probably not going to answer the phone....people have made sacrifices for me and I pray you all know how eternally grateful I am....I LOVE U GUYS :o) I'm going to attempt to embrace all this change, it doesn't have to be a bad thing right??? Who knows where it'll take me, life is suppose to be a journey anyway.....that's what they tell me at least :o)))
On a lighter note.....I'M CANCER FREE, have 3 more rounds of chemo to go, and I finally made it out of my 20's!!!! I have a feeling my 30's are gonna be pretty fantastical....watch out for ME :o)
LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE

~For we walk by faith, not by sight.~
2 Corinthians 5:7

~TRUST HIM~

phenomenal book...read it (Thanks J!)

MARCH IS COLON CANCER AWARENESS MONTH!!!!!!!!!!! GET A FREAKING COLONOSCOPY PEOPLE!

www.ccalliance.org

Dress in Blue Day is March 4!

Colon cancer is the 2nd leading cause of cancer death in the country, but it doesn’t have to stay this way. Make a difference and help raise awareness for colon cancer by participating Dress in Blue Day on Friday, March 4th. Celebrating Dress in Blue Day is easy and could save a life! Check out our ideas on how you can get involved.

Materials for Dress in Blue Day are now available. Shop CCA to get yours.

5 down.....7 to go :o)))))

You know how things are never as bad as you think they are going to be? That's how I feel right now, as I sit in the "infusion room".  I took last week off for Thanksgiving (it was WONDERFUL, I've been blessed with the best family EVER!!!!!! LOVE YALL!!!) so I went 3 weeks without any chemo, and I was starting to get used to feeling normal......to the point where I was beginning to despise coming in today.  I got a little taste of the old me and I didn't want to let her go :o( I was pretty annoyed with the thought of coming back here when the family was in town and I think I mentioned how much I was NOT looking forward to it.....I may have even said, "I'm not going to go", to which Shyra replied, "Yes you are, we gotta do what we gotta do." So simple, yet so true....we gotta do what we gotta do (she always says "we", by the way....I just love her!).  So here I am, doing what I gotta do :o)

7 pair to go!

the chemo suite :o)

So, it's pretty awesome today because there's this lady, probably in her 60's who's a die hard Steelers fan, and we've been talking football the last 5 mins :o) There's also a lady here for the first time, she's here with what I think is her husband.  You would think that she would be the nervous one with the look of pure terror on her face; but she is as calm as can be, while he looks like he's going to pass out any minute.  I sometimes wish it was OK to stare at people....I love trying to figure out what's going on inside other's minds, it's especially interesting in this building.  You can almost relate to the smallest thing, like a face someone makes.  I think that's why I often feel lonely in a room full of people and most comfortable here, in the "infusion room".  I can relate here,  we all have one thing in common that brings us together once or twice a week.  I know exactly what the lady beside me is talking about when she says, "I would kill to get this taste outta my mouth".  I know that if my white blood cells drop below 2.0, it's time for concern.  Patients come through the archway and IMMEDIATELY take their wigs off and breath a sigh of relief, why? because this is a safe place.  A place where having canSer doesn't get you looked at like you're radioactive. Right now, there's laughter and chatting, almost as if we were in a coffee shop.  A patient just almost slipped and fell on her wig and we all laughed hysterically after she said, "Well shit, wouldn't that be ironic if the wig killed me before the canSer did!".  We understand each other, and it's hard to believe that anyone outside this circle could possibly get what we're going through.  I think that's why I spend so much of my free time alone (except when Wes is here!), it's not because I'm some sad, head case in need of professional help (well maybe!), it's because I'm more comfortable that way.  I read somewhere that the hardest part of canSer treatment is the end.  We say we wont let canSer change our lives but the truth is, it ABSOLUTELY changes your life, at least while you're getting treated for it! And I'm not saying it's a bad change....my life has definitely changed for the better.....but changed all the same.  I guess, that's why the end is hard because, what do you do then? When there's no more treatments? no more appointments? no more buckets of meds to take every 4 hours? no more people telling you how to live your life while you're in treatment? May be kinda hard to get use to right?????? Kinda like being institutionalized, isn't it?!?!? That would be some neat research to do........:o)
OK, so it's about 11:00 am.....been here since 9:00 am and we have about 3 1/2 hours to go.  I'm feeling pretty good so far, I have about 30 more minutes of pre-meds, then the real drugs :o) I'll pick back up after that, and we'll see how I'm doing then :o)

So, it's now 6:56 pm and Ive been home for about 2 hrs or so.  Actually had an appetite when we left so Wes stopped at Diggers (he's the bestest) and got me some BBQ chicken nachos (best things I've EVER placed in my mouth....do yourself a favor and go get some) and I then proceeded to almost eat the entire thing.  Not the healthiest of food choices but I gotta eat what I crave, right?!?!?!?!?  I am currently in the bed, listening to Mom and Wes discuss the SEC championship game downstairs, while she decorates the Christmas tree......I'm not gonna lie, I feel like I've been hit by a train (a real big one)....but I'm still smiling :o)))))))))))))))
LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE :o)


~I will give thanks to the LORD with my whole heart; I will recount all of your wonderful deeds.~
Psalms 9:1


~TRUST HIM~

There will be good days, bad days....and REAL bad days!

I may not be there yet, but I'm closer than I was yesterday.  

~Author Unknown

I've heard that chemotherapy can go one of two ways; it'll get better as you go through treatment, or it'll get worse as you go through treatment.  I'm not going to call mine yet, I mean, I've only had two treatments so I've got to let my body get adjusted to the drugs, right??? I can for sure say that the 2nd one was a little worse than the 1st.  I was D-O-N-E before we even left the office, it's actually kind of amazing how quickly it wipes you out.  For instance, woke up Saturday morning feeling like I got hit by a train...I mean EVERYTHING hurt, I heard some moving around downstairs and assumed someone was cooking breakfast.  Well.....a couple of minutes later, the aroma of breakfast drifted its way up the stairs, into my room, and settled comfortably beneath my nose.  Ok, they said that I may become sensitive to certain smells but, this was a little more serious than "sensitive"! I can't even begin to describe to you what it smelled like! It was horrible and all I wanted to do was get out of the bed and close my door but, nooooooooooo, my body screamed at me every single time I attempted to get up so I covered my head hoping I wouldn't vomit all over the place.  I then found out that the weird smell thing isn't nearly as bad as the weird taste thing.  Mom brought up what is generally my favorite breakfast; scrambled eggs with veggies and a lil cheese and breakfast potatoes with veggies and cheese.  I took one bite of the eggs and.....well, they tasted NOTHING like eggs so I tried the potatoes and got the same result....WHAT IN THE WORLD IS GOING ON IN MY MOUTH?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? So here's the problem with all of this....I need to eat because I have no energy, I also need to eat with the 6,000 prescriptions I'm supposed to be taking but.....I have zero appetite and everything tastes and smells like it was pulled from a garbage truck. If I am remembering correctly, all I had to eat that day was a couple pieces of pineapple....not cool.
I'm not going to lie, I thought I would be able to get through the "bad days" a lot better than I am.  I knew it was going to be hard, but I wasn't prepared for this...but then again, how in the world can you prepare for kancer????

bucket-o-fun!

KANCER WILL NOT CHANGE MY LIFE......I've said this a thousand times before, right? So why in the world do I feel like I'm in  a movie and the character of "girl with kancer" is played by yours truly???? Wes came to visit this week (which is exactly what I needed due to my trip down to the pit of despair) and we were talking about all this kancer stuff after I had a "bad" moment.  I, of course was in tears, and all I kept thinking was, "I'm not sure I can do this".......I'm not sure if it's the chemo itself, or the fact that I'm having chemo due to a kancer recurrence; but all of a sudden, I feel like I'm back to square one....complete denial of what's going on.  I did it the first time I was diagnosed and I'm afraid I'm doing it again.  I look at this container full of meds I have to take everyday and I burst out in tears.....this isn't supposed to be me.  I go into the bathroom to wash my hands and the second I stick my hand under the faucet, the cold water feels like a million needles stabbing at my flesh....woops, forgot about the cold sensitivity thing.  I tell myself before I go to bed, "Tomorrow will be a better day" and I wake up to the never ending nausea feeling (it's a special feeling) and to top it off, I'm so dizzy I can't see straight.  Everyday Wes was here (including today) I wanted sooooooooooooo badly to get out of the house and do something but, it never happened due to my wide variety of side effects.  Yesterday, I was really feeling bad and I looked at Wes and said, "I'm so sick of being sick".  All you people out there who have been through this, PPPPPUUHHHHLLEEAASE let me know your little secrets to get through it!
OK, enough of my pity party (I'm allowed one every once in a while!)........


In my last blog, I asked you guys to pray for Raven Orr, who was also in the fight.  I recently got the news that Raven passed away last Thursday.  When someone has kancer and they pass away, you'll generally hear the phrase, 'lost their fight with kancer'.  Well, I've been thinking a lot about that phrase and I have decided that I don't like it.  If Raven lost the fight, then kancer won the fight and that's just not gonna fly with me. If you ask me, the big winner here is Raven! She is finally home, with God....she's not in anymore pain, no more worries, no more treatments, she's finally back to her old self...and the most important thing, she's kancer free! How awesome is that?!?!?!? So NO MORE of that 'lost battle' nonsense. Kancer, you STILL LOSE!! Raven, you my dear, will make SOME Angel.......YOU WIN :o)
LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE :o)


~You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised~
Hebrews 10:36


~Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you.  But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed~
I Peter 4:12-13


~TRUST HIM~




P.s. Things have obviously been a lil rough lately and I want whoever reads this to know that I have the best Aunties in the entire world.  Auje, Aunt Linda, and Aunt Brenda.....I have no clue what I'd do on some of these days without you.  People are constantly telling me how strong I am, what they don't know is, I get my strength from yall.  There is absolutely no way I could have gone through any of this without yall, and I am truly blessed to have you in my life......THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL THAT YOU DO, I LOVE YOU MORE THAN YOU KNOW :o)



"When things go wrong as they sometimes will;
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill;
When the funds are low, and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but have to sigh;
When care is pressing you down a bit-
Rest if you must, but do not quit.
Success is failure turned inside out;
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt;
And you can never tell how close you are
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit-
It's when things go wrong that you must not quit."
~ Unknown


ITS STILL BREAST CANCER AWARENESS MONTH!! GRAB YOUR MOMMAS, SISTERS, GRANDMAS, AUNTS, AND FRIENDS AND GO GET SCREENED!!!!!!!

1 down.....11 to go....

11 more treatments doesn't sound THAT bad does it?!?!?!?!? Dr. Duke said it'll be over before I know it and, he's a doctor so he's right.....right????? It's been 2 weeks since my last treatment and just as I am starting to feel somewhat normal, it's time to go back in the morning.  I think I dealt with the side effects pretty well.  Don't get me wrong, there were a couple of bad moments (it kicked my butt, for sure!) but, for the most part, I did OK.  Whenever I got the urge to throw something (or someone) out of a window, I remind myself that it could be MUCH worse.  I'm not going to lie, it still hasn't completely 100% set in that I've had cancer twice....I really can't believe it sometimes.  TWICE?!?!?!?!? REALLY?!?!?!?!? I imagine I'll never fully get over that (maybe with a little help from a shrink, or "talking doctor" as one of my students use to call it!) Speaking of students, not being in the classroom is really a lot harder than I thought it would be.  It's not even about not getting a paycheck (although my bank account does miss it's bimonthly deposit!).  It's about the kids....I actually miss hanging out with 9 yr olds!! If you've never spent the day with a 9 yr old, you should definitely put in on your "things to do" list.  They're hilarious.....and I miss that :o(  I also miss that "A-ha!" moment when they finally got something, there's nothing better in the world than the look on a kids face when a concept clicks.  I know I did a blog a while ago called "Thank you cancer".....well today, I wanna drop-kick cancer! As much as I try to get on with my life in a normal fashion, I am constantly reminded that there is nothing normal about it!  I've never been a person that deals with change well, and I've never been cool with waiting to see what's going to happen. I need to know what's going to happen or I feel completely out of control.  I'm not to sure why these past two weeks have been so rough.  Maybe it's because chemo kinda incapacitates you to the point that you dread walking up the stairs, or maybe it's because chemo makes it that much more real.  The one thing I keep hearing over and over again is, "Ebony, you have GOT to get some rest." Well, that's been sort of difficult for me because "resting" really isn't my cup of tea.  I'm a social butterfly (as mom calls it!) and resting doesn't really fit into my social agenda! Saturdays and Sundays are the absolute WORST!!! If you know me well, you know that I live for football, there is nothing in the world better than getting up on Saturday morning, watching Gameday, throwing some food on the grill, and having a beer or two (or 3 or 4 or 5....you get the picture).  Now, I'm a little iffy about eating food off the grill, and even more iffy about drinking. Honestly, I'm lucky to make it through a game without falling asleep!  Every single decision I make is revolved around cancer and cancer treatment......"should I eat this? should I drink this? will this interfere with the chemo drugs? if I go to the game, or to the bar, will I fall asleep because my body is so tired? if I go for a quick jog, am I gonna pass out in the middle of the street? I was told no more mani/pedi's till after treatment because of the risk of infection....should I risk it and get it done anyway? Is chemo slowly killing my reproductive organs? and the biggie.....what if the cancer comes back? WHAT HAPPENED TO MY LIFE?!?!?!?!?!  Don't freak out, I'm still as positive as I can be but, I have the right to vent every once in a while right?!?!?!?!?!?  I know this situation is in God's protective hands, it's just hard to deal with sometimes :o)
On a lighter note, my dad bought an iPad last week (it's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen!) and he gave me his MacBook! Only a matter of time before the new iPad comes out and he gives me his old one, being home definitely has it's perks :o)

Thanks everybody for your thoughts and prayers, when things get rough, I think of all the peeps who have my back and it makes going through this MUCH easier!!! If I'm up to it, I'll post a play by play from the infusion room tomorrow!
LIVE, LOVE, LAUGH :o)


"We have no right to ask when sorrow comes, "Why did this happen to me?" unless we ask the same question for every moment of happiness that comes our way."
~Unknown


~Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer~
Romans 12:12

ANGEL OF GRACE :o)

~TRUST HIM~


PRAYER REQUEST for Raven Orr, 28 years old and also in the fight; but we know that God heals :o)
TRUST AND BELIEVE RAVEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ITS BREAST CANCER AWARENESS MONTH!!! GET SCREENED LADIES (AND MEN TOO!)


www.liv.com this site has info about breast cancer and links to where you can get free mammograms


www.Pink-4-Ever.org another fabulous site dedicated to breast cancer


www.thetrevorproject.org Im sure many of you have heard about the recent wave of teen suicides the past few months due to bullying in the schools.....we HAVE to do better people....

Chemo...it's what's for breakfast :o)

So, I am currently sitting in the "infusion room" (guess "chemo room" is too much) and I'm happy to say, it's not NEARLY as bad I thought.  I mean, the needle in the port thing was a little weird but, that's about the extent of excitement. The nurses here are great, and everyone seems to treat the experience like you're in a spa instead of getting cancer treatment.  I am sitting in the most comfortable recliner in the world with a blanket and fuzzy socks....and to top that all off, there's a volunteer (probably the sweetest lady in the world) who just walks around making sure everyone is OK and hands you juice, tea, ice chips, crackers, anything you need.....you can have whatever you like (in my best T.I. voice) and, to top that all off, every once in a while she just walks by, smiles, and pats your feet :o)

gotta make fun yourself :o)

So, I guess the hard part is over, I got the first one over with (not completely, still have 3 1/2 hours left).  After I go home with the pump, it's a "wait and see" game.  There's a list about a mile long full of possible side effects, and I have no clue which ones I may or may not get.  That part is definitely stirring up a little anxiety.  If there's one thing that drives me crazy, it's not knowing.  I have to know what's going to happen, and I can't stand waiting around for things to maybe happen. I'm realizing that I need to work on that because in this crappy cancer world....there's A LOT of "let's just wait and see".
Those of you who know me well, know that psychology is my first love (I was a psych major...a couple times!) and because of that, people watching is one of my favorite things to do.  That's a little difficult (but so interesting) here in the "infusion room".  Just at first glance, you can see that there is everything on the cancer spectrum represented here.  There are some people who are extremely upbeat and positive (me!), and there are also those who seem mad at the world and extremely negative (the lady who was just beside me).  She spent the last hour complaining about the drugs, the cancer, her life, her kids, her mother-in-law, and her cat (yes, her cat).  Don't get me wrong, venting is something that has to be done in order to cope with things but, JEEEEEEEEZZZZZ lady!! How about you NOT tell me how horrible chemo is right after I tell you it's my first time! AND STOP BEING SO NEGATIVE!!! It may actually help...it's like I always say, “Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are." (Yea, I don't say that...that's a quote from Bernice Johnson Reagon...sounds good though!)

(Time lapse 11:30 am-7:46 pm)



staring at the port in the car wondering what to do with it...



OK, I'm home now and it's been a super weird past couple of hours. The treatment process went as well as it could've gone and all my labs look good. Dr. Duke said, "I'm really pleased with our progress".....Are those the words you wanna hear from your oncologist or what?!?!?!? The explanation of the port and some of the meds I'll be taking was a tad bit confusing....I thank God everyday that I have a perfectionist mother who refuses to miss something!!! If I didn't, I would have already mixed the wrong meds and be twitching and temporarily paralyzed, accidentally ripped my port out, and reached into the fridge!! She's MY hero....for realz :o) Speaking of reaching into the fridge, (if you don't know about this AMAZING side effect, see the blog before this one!) I of course went to open it and grab something cold but was stopped by a sign on the handle that says, "Ebony STOP!!!!" (Mom, of course!). That sign saved my ADD brain from putting my chemo body through some weirdness that none of us felt like dealing with!

I am definitely feeling like something is going on inside the good ole body...that's for sure.  Nothing too crazy has happened (Mom, you BETTER not tell anybody what happened in the store!!!!!!) and my plan is to keep it that way!  I guess, this isn't NEARLY as bad as having cancer so I don't have much to complain about :o) While I was sitting there, I started to wonder about how everyone else felt. There was a young woman there who looked pretty sick (which doesn't mean she was, could mean her cocktail mix is pretty hard core).  I found myself watching her smile, and joke with her friends and family and tell the nurse she was OK when I could tell by her face that she wasn't.  I watched her struggle, trying to get her frail body out of the chair and go to the bathroom, and then laugh hysterically when she almost fell.  I watched her and I decided that she was my new hero.  The strength of this woman dripped off of her like wax off of a candle and then...off into the atmosphere it went for all to latch on to :o) You could not only feel her strength, you feel the love from the 7-10 people that cycled in and out for about 5 hours.  It was truly amazing to watch. One thing I know, cancer will force you to find strength you didn't even know you had. The key is finding it, and not being afraid of it...because it along with your faith, will save your life...as well as your sanity. The scary thing is, I sometimes wonder how long this strength will last....

"If the enemy is not coming against you at some point in your life, that's a sign you're not headed anywhere"

~Pastor Laura Pickett

~Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides.~

James1:2

~TRUST HIM~



a little port fun :o)

 Livestrong.com

Livestrong Day is October 2, go to the site for more info on what activities are happening around you :o) 

My Momma is the best!

~~UNRELATED INFO~~
HAPPY BIRTHDAY (9.23) TO THE BESTEST FRIEND IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD, BROOKE KINDER (RAINEY)!!!!!! LOVE U MORE THAN HOT SAUCE :o)

CONGRATS TO MR. & MRS. HOOVER!! I WISH YOU GUYS ALL THE HAPPINESS IN THE WORLD.... AND MRS. HOOVER (JUST HAD TO SAY IT!) I LOVE YOU DEARLY :o)

I'd much rather go to the hospital than go to the dentist!

"If you let go a little you will have little peace.
If you let go a lot you will have a lot of peace.
~Ajahn Chah

(This one is for you, Stacey Pickett!!! Love u!!!!)



Being an idot while the doc was out of the room :o)



Why in the WORLD is the dentist so freaking scary?!?!?! I mean, 9 times out 10 nothing too bad is going to happen, and when the bad stuff does happen, your mouth is full of novocaine or you're knocked out (yes, I do have a cavity or two!).  So what's the big deal??? Well, for me, I think it's the noise (and I can't STAND metal in my mouth...or scraping noises).  It's 2010, can we not make some dental instruments that don't sound like jackhammers?!?!?!? Not cool.....

I also had to go to the eye doctor this week, which is also an experience I don't place high on my "things I love to do" list. Am I the only one who has to take a xanax to prepare myself for that puff of air (it's actually two evil puffs) they blow in your eye?!?!?! HORRIBLE!!!!!!! Good thing about that appointment was, I now have a pair of contacts that are not ripped and full of protein deposits, so I can see again! :o)

So, the reason I have to get all these appointments taken care of is because my chemo vacay officially starts next Wednesday.  My chemo case manager (yes, I have a case manager!) suggested that I get these appointments taken care of before teatment starts.  There are 16 billion possible (and I stress possible, I have GOD on my side!) side effects of chemo therapy drugs, and some of mine include mouth and eye issues sooooo, there ya go!

My chemo case manager (she is FABULOUS!!!), talked to us for a good 45 minutes about any and everything I may, or may not expect.  I'm not going to lie, some of it sounds super scary....like the one side effect that prevents me from having any feeling in my throat, so I don't know if I'm breathing because I can't feel air going down my throat.......crazy right?!?!?!?!? This particular side effect happens whenever I come into contact with anything cold.  Drinks, food, touching a cold object, going outside in the cold, even opening the refrigerator door!  To remedy this "not knowing I'm breathing" thing, someone has to quicky blow a blow dryer in my face...WHAT?!?!?!?!? Somebody better keep a blow dryer handy, for realz :o)

I don't think I'm nervous about chemo, I just think that chemo makes the fact that I HAD (and I stress had...) cancer all the more real. I try not to, but I often wonder, if we would have done this (chemo thing) last year, would the cancer have come back??? Will it prevent it from coming back again?? What am I gonna do if it comes back again?? I've said this qoute before, and I'll say it again:

"...The bottom line is, even though the cancer may go away, knowing that you had cancer doesn't.  The fear of it coming back doesn't go away, either".

~Sheryl Crow

I can't even begin to explain to you how true that is.  I kinda think that I made it through these last two episodes LIKE A CHAMP!! But I gotta wonder, how much "superwoman" do I have in me?????? I'm not going to lie, the fear of it coming back scares me to death...but, then again...as long as God is on my side, it can come back as many times as it wants!!! OOOOHHHHHHH, take that cancer :o)



Port under my skin where I will get the goods :o)



Like I said earlier, chemo starts next Wednesday (29th) and I'm doing a 6 month treatment. I go in on Wednesday morning and get 4-5 hours of chemo in the office.  I then get sent home with a pump and do the rest of the meds at home for 48 hours.  I go back in the office on Friday and get the pump turned off, and repeat that process every 12 days (many of you may still be stuck on that whole 4-5 hour thing every other Wednesday, I was!)...visitors are welcome, come have cocktail hour with me! (many of you have no choice, you know who you are!!!!)

All in all, I feel GREAT! I keep telling people I feel like I can take over the world (don't act like I cant!). I am definitely, without a doubt...blessed and highly favored :o)
"...and I know, you favored me because, my enemies did try, but couldn't triumph over me"
~Hezekiah Walker & LFC, God Favored Me Pt. 1

healthy eating tidbit:

READ THE INGREDIENTS!!!! If you cant pronounce it, it's probably not good for you. If you're not sure, call the company 800 number and ask what it is.....example:

 Carmine, cochineal, and carminic acid are commonly found in food products that use red dye...it is red pigment from the crushed female cochineal insect (ewwwwww!), go ahead...eat that red lollipop and drink your red juice now! (trust me, that's not even CLOSE to being the worst one!)

Stay Healthy!!!

"Somebody told me I had major balls today. I agreed. We both got it wrong though, I don't have nothing but a little faith (that happens to move mountains)."

~Cortney Cleveland

(love u!!!!!!!!!!!)

~But you are a shield around me, O LORD; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head.~

Psalms 3:3

~TRUST HIM~



I chopped it off!!!!!



SU2C.org     NEVER TOO LATE TO GET INVOLVED!! GO TO THE SITE :o)



Thank you, cancer....

"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, "I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along." . . . You must do the thing you think you cannot do."  

~Eleanor Roosevelt~

I decided, yesterday, that I wasn't going to be mad at cancer anymore.  I decided this because, I think cancer wants me to be mad and, being the rebillious spirit that I am, I'm going against the grain.  I was trying to sit a certain way yesterday and got frustrated when I couldn't (the 12 in. incision on my stomach can be quite annoying). That frustration quickly turned to anger and I started to think about all the things that this diagnosis has put me and my family through. Well, that's obviously no way to think so, I quickly turned my negative thoughts into positive ones. I soon realized that cancer has given me more than it could ever take away, and for that reason, I am thanking cancer...yep, you heard correctly.  Without cancer, I would not have this new love for life, I wouldn't have this fabulous relationship with God, and I definitely would not be this healthy!  I have talked to friends that I haven't spoken to in years, I spent a fabulous week with my aunt and cousins, I've read 3 books, I have a completely refurbished attitude....about EVERYTHING, I go to sleep and wake up with a smile on my face, I just had surgery and I feel stronger than ever, my father made salad dressing out of olive oil and vinegar instead of using the unhealthy stuff (WOW!!).....I owe all this, and much more, to cancer. 

This diagnosis has given me the opportunity to completely re-examine my life and it has been an interesting journey, to say the least :o)  Why is it that some type of catastrophic event has to take place before people realize they may need to make a few life changes?!?!? We all need to stop every once and a while and take a good look in the mirror, if you like what you see...great, good for you!! if not....make a change, it's a lot easier than you think. (Did I just blog the lyrics to Man in Mirror?!?!?!)

So, as most of you know, I recieved the path report and it looks like the tumors were completely removed (YAAAAAYYYY GOD!!!) and the rest of my liver looks good.  I meet with "Dr. Duke" tomorrow afternoon and hopefully will leave that appointment knowing the chemo plan.  One more little tiny hurdle to get over.....and I'm ready for it :o)

THANK YOU soooooooooooooooo very much for all the prayers, thoughts, cards, flowers, books, emails, text messages, positive energy, and jokes.  You guys have no idea how much all of it means, it leaves me speechless every single day.  I am truly blessed to have such amazing people in my corner.....lets get ready for round 2 :o)

TOMORROW NIGHT @ 8:00 (I THINK) YOU MUST TUNE IN TO THE STAND UP TO CANCER TELETHON.

I believe that it is being televised on all four major networks.  Tune in for a little while, make a donation if you can...follow the link to learn more :o)

http://www.standup2cancer.org/

IF YOU CARE ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR BODY & WHAT GOES IN IT, YOU MUST READ THIS BOOK!

~A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.~

Proverbs 17:22

~Trust Him~

GO TO THE LINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!