Faith.....

Sooooo....I'm guessing you're all wondering what I'm feeling right now, with surgery being tomorrow and everything.  Is she nervous? Is she scared? She MUST be a little anxious, right?????? Well, the answer is no, not at all....to all of the above.  Right now, as I type this, I am surrounded by love.  My family and friends (and soon to be family *wink wink!) are all downstairs doing what we do best...laughing, eating, and laughing some more.  Nobody is worrying about tomorrow, or the days to follow.  We're not all sitting around wondering, why? To tell you the truth, I don't even think we're thinking about the "c" word (except for the couple of "c" word jokes earlier). The reason is simple.....Faith. That's it, nothing serious, just a little 5 letter word.....it's so powerful though, Faith. If I have learned anything, it's that Faith will get you through.....it works every time :o)

LET'S DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


~Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus~
Philippians 4:6-7


~TRUST HIM~

Let go...and let God :o)

 4 days until surgrey and I cant wait. I am so ready to jump over this first hurdle, I can barely sit still.  I think I have mentioned before that I was a little freaked out by this surgery, but the truth is, I'm a little freaked out by anything that happens in a hospital!  I mean let's face it, the hospital is not a fun place. The fear of hospitals is actually on the phobia list..it's called Nosocomephobia....for realz, I couldn't make that up!  You would think that by now, I'd be use to hospitals and doctors offices....not the case, I have a mini panic attack at the thought of going to the hospital (which may be due to a small case of PTSD from my experience last year!)....you know what I just realized?!?!?!? Having this stupid disease can be pretty traumatizing!!!! I really don't want it anymore, so instead of wasting my energy worrying about things waaaay out of my control, I'll use that energy on the things I can control....like taking care of myself so I can hurry up and beat this.  I think we all have to learn to let go of things and let God handle it...these battles aren't for us to fight.  The sooner you have that epiphany, the easier it becomes to live your life....cancer and all :o)
So, I'm still loving this new little lifestyle of mine, and it's great and everything, but let's be honest....I would kill for 2 or 3 vanilla oreo cakesters with a huge glass of milk right about now!!!! There has GOT TO BE the healthy person equivalent to an oreo cakester...that's my new mission, to find this equivalent (if you know what it is, or how to make it, contact me ASAP).  I think eventually, I'll completely lose the taste for that kind of stuff...I just wish I would've known I was gonna turn into a health nut so I could've had one last oreo.....*sigh*
Enough about oreo cakesters, I wanna end this one on a positive note (don't I end them all on a positive note?!?!?) I'm going to see Brooke tomorrow (for those of you who don't know Brooke, she's my bestest friend in the whole wide world) and she said something to me earlier that has stuck with me all day.  We were talking about how surgery was scheduled for Monday and she says, "I'm giving you my rosary before then...hey, we all believe in the same God." WOW, right?!?!?! Her son (the cutest child in the world) had some surgeries when he was a baby and she kept it with him while he was in the hospital, and now she wants me to hang on to it.  She clearly is Catholic, and she knows I'm not....but she also knows that God is God, and prayer is prayer.
She can't possibly know how much that meant to me...seriously, it made my heart smile (love u Brooklyn!) :o)
OK, my brilliant Mother thinks that I should include little "healthy living tips" in my blogs every once in a while so here's one I just read the other day:
    *By adding lemon to your water (not too cold), you have a powerful liver cleanser, it also helps balance a person's pH (super important).

Book I am currently reading....BUY IT!!!

Pretty cool right? You probably do that anyway and had no idea you were cleaning your liver :o)

Stay Healthy!

~Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go~

Joshua 1:9

~TRUST HIM~

A SPECIAL THANKS TO THE STAFF AT WHITE OAK ELEMENTARY SCHOOL, YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME AND SUCH A BLESSING TO MY FAMILY....THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!!!!

"ALLOW ME TO REINTRODUCE MYSELF....." PSA :o)

I am so ready for this surgery to take place, I dont' know what to do! I'm pretty sure there was a point in my life when I wanted to be a doctor (that would've been lucrative, you don't hear about doctors getting furloughed) because I am fascinated by all this.  I wish there was some way I could be awake when it all goes down...I'm not the only one out there who is super curious about what their insides look like...right??????
The day we met with the surgeon, I was a little nervous about the surgery b/c it sounded pretty serious....lots of talk about a lot of blood, huge incisions, and a funny shaped liver in the end....sounds pretty intense right?!?!?!? Now, I know I said I was fascinated by all this, but maybe it would be a little more fascinating if it wasn't MY LIVER we were talking about slicing up!!! Seriously though, I can't wait to have these things out of my body, so Dr. Surgeon can slice and dice all he wants :o)

The crazy part about all this is, I feel like a million bucks....I mean, I've seriously never felt better.  That is honestly what makes this hard every once in a while.  How in the world could I have this "upgraded" cancer status and I feel like I could win the Peachtree Road Race?!?!?!? Because GOD is good, that's why...duh!! I also have to give some credit to my new little way of life.  I have figured out that a healthy balance between nutrition, exercise, ATTITUDE, and spirituality is the key to living a fantabulous life!  (Stay tuned for my PSA....)  We have got to stop putting so much crap in our mind and bodies.  If you knew....and I mean REALLY knew what you were you putting in your body (probably as you're reading this!) you would probably vomit all over your computer!  It's ridiculous! It's almost as if those food making people WANT you to be sick and unhealthy (wink, wink).  I am in no way telling you to throw your burger and fries away and become a vegan (unless you want too!), I'm just saying think about what you're doing (or not doing) to your body and more importantly....how it may effect you in the long run.  Just try it....you don't have to immediately go on a diet or become a yoga master, try one thing at time.  Try not to drink sodas for a week, walk your dog instead of letting him/her out in the yard, read a book, get veggies as a side instead of loaded mashed potatoes, smile more often, take a vitamin, stop being so negative, buy a cute workout outfit, turn the TV off, drink tea, get more sleep, play, let a car out in front of you (this one was difficult for me!).  I promise you'll notice a difference in your life, and maybe get in shape while you're at it :o)  

~It is God who arms me with strength, and makes my way perfect.~
Psalm18:32

~TRUST HIM~

So, you're saying I can't teach for a while?....bring on the morphine drip

Today, I got back form the one of the best vacations I've ever had in my entire life.  Can you call going to where you live a vacation?? I guess you can, if you haven't been there in while.  Last Friday, I was up to my neck in, "cancer this, cancer that", "eat this...DON'T EAT THAT!!!", "take this, stay away from that!".  I literally didn't have any more room in this wonderful brain of mine to hold any more information...no matter how useful it was.  I was getting to that angry point, the point where I knew I would explode if something didn't happen.  I JUST WANT MY OLD FREAKING LIFE BACK....IF ONLY FOR A MOMENT.  I don't want to have to wonder if the 5 grams of sugar in my yogurt is too much sugar and now the lesions have grown to football (GO VOLS!!!!) size tumors.  I don't wanna have to wonder if my lack of sleep will contribute to tumor growth.....as well as my lack of sanity.  I just wanted to feel like me again so I packed my car and headed straight for Wesville  :o)  While they were fixing the air conditioner in our house, we decided to stay in hotels all weekend which was awesome...I mean, who doesn't like staying in hotels?!?!? We walked around downtown Savannah like we were tourist, laughed obnoxiously loud in the hotel room at ridiculous hours, ate dinner at restaurants we've never been too, and also had some super important "cancer talks". It was fabulous.  He went back to the house for second yesterday and I asked him to look around and grab anything he thought I may need, since I was going to be in ATL for a while.  When he got back, he nearly took my breath away.  I was thinking he'd grab some books, a sweater, my football jerseys (cant BELIEVE I forgot those!!), my favorite jammies, ya know stuff like that.  He walked in the hotel room, and all he had was my Bible.....MY BIBLE PEOPLE!!!!!! Can you believe this dude?!?!?!?!?! People tell me all the time how "lucky" I am to have him.....that's not luck, he's a blessing for sure!  I just freaking love him....now I'm plotting on getting him here :o)
So I get back today just in time for my appointment with the surgeon.  Not so nervous about this one because it's the same surgeon who did my last surgery (love him and his staff!).  We talked for a while, went over my options (I got super confused!!), and we decided that surgery before chemo would be the best plan. Let's get these little jerks out ASAP, then work on what may or may not have lingered around.  Surgery is set for August 30 at 10:00 am. 
You SCCPSS teachers out there are surely thinking, "That's the first day of school...". Yea, I was thinking the same.  When I was told that I would definitely be out for 6 wks just for the surgery (not even including my chemo vacay), I wanted to drop kick the very next person who walked by me....and I wasn't going to discriminate.  Teaching is what I do, it's my passion, it's what I love more than anything....and now you're saying I can't do it?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?  UMMMMMM, YOU CAN START THAT MORPHINE DRIP ANYTIME NOW!!!!!!!  The feeling I have right now is completely indescribable.  I know I have to take of myself but, I love my job, I love my school, I love the people I work with......don't EVEN get me started on the kids.  I have no idea what I'm gonna do without all of that...no idea at all.  And I can't help but to feel like this stupid disease took it from me, it's not fair....there, I said it.....IT'S NOT FAIR!!!!!! (welcome to my pity party, leave your happiness and positivity at the door!)
Ya know what, I need to stop playing the "why me?" game and kick cancer's a** so I can get back to my life right? duh.  I'll be back to doing what I love in no time.....I don't like pity parties anyway, they're really not that much fun :o).
 Those of you who know me best, you know the wheels in my head are already spinning trying to figure out a way to incorporate my experience into the curriculum....bald head and all :o) 
Let me know if anyone wants surgery details!!!
Can't wait to see you Auje and Shy :o)

~Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours~
Mark 11:24

~TRUST HIM~

Out with the old, in with "Dr. Duke"

Does anyone out there have any tips on how to fire your oncologist???? I only have a couple days to figure it out.  Should I treat this like a relationship that should have ended a long time ago and just ignore him until he gets the picture??? Or should I be an adult, call him, and use the "it's not you, it's me.." line???? But then again, I already have all my stuff (medical records) from his place (office), so what's the point in striking up a conversation that may end up hurting someones feelings?!?!?
If you can't already tell, I L-O-V-E my new oncologist (the nickname, "Dr. Duke" is brought to you by Amy Gorham...I'm gonna go with it)!! The second we walked into the building I had a feeling he may be "the one"! When we walked into his office and started talking, you could tell he already knew more about my case than I did, and you can't imagine how comforting that was.  He took the time to explain exactly what was happening, and even showed us the films from my last scan so we could get a better idea....that "other dude" never showed us anything.  We talked for almost 2 hrs and he was extremely positive about everything....favorite quote of the conversation, "This is definitely do-able"....well Dr. Duke, you're definitely my new oncologist :o). 
Here's a little preview of what's next.....meeting with a surgeon (haven't decided who yet) next week and probably schedule surgery within the next 2 or 3 weeks.  4 to 6 weeks (depending on how fast I recover..so I'm gonna go with 4) after surgery, I will start a 12 week (I think, I could've just completely made that up!) chemo journey: 2 wks on, 3 wks off.  All of this is subject to change if the surgeon decides the little jerks are too small to remove.  If that's the case, I may be going on that chemo vacay a little early :o).
I don't know about you , but I'm super proud of myself for taking control of this thing! It feels good and I like it...a lot!

side note: I'm loving this new little diet of mine, I encourage you to try it....my skin looks phenomenal :o)

~A cheerful look brings joy to the heart, and good news gives health to the bones.~
Proverbs 15:30

~TRUST HIM~

Can't be any worse than the first opinion!!!!! (right?) Pt.1

Tomorrow is the big day! Second opinion day!!!! I can't tell if I'm excited or scared out of my mind....I do feel like I'm cheating on my oncologist though.  Don't get me wrong, I love my oncologist to death, he's amazing and so is his staff....so why would I want to consider leaving???
This time around I have decided to take control of this cancer crap...I'm not going to do what they want me to do without asking questions.  I'm not going to settle for, "this is the only way" and I'm not going to believe every little thing they say.  I am going to ask questions (about a million, so I hope new doctor gets some rest tonight), I am going to research other options and alternative treatments AND I'm going to believe only what I want to believe.  Cancer, like most diseases, makes you feel completely powerless.  It's really bad with cancer because there is no cure.  We know that everything they try is like a game of horseshoes...you may get exactly where you need to be and win the game, or you could completely miss and lose.  Well I'll tell you what, if I have anything to do with it...we aint losing....so TAKE THAT you cancerous pieces of crap (I so wish they were human so I could gather a couple of friends and fight them).
I spent most of last week researching doctors and trying to find one that might be a good fit. I was leaning toward some kind of cancer center because...well....they're cancer centers and it just makes sense!  So I went to the Cancer Centers of Georgia website and I loved it.  I found a doctor who received his med degree and completed his residency at Duke (their cancer research is DA BOMB), he's published, he participates in ongoing research, and (this one is my fave) he specializes in colon cancer.  When I made the appointment last week, his nurse wanted my medical records faxed over immediately because he likes to take 2 or 3 days before he sees new patients to review their history.  He also likes to take no less than an hour with every new patient he sees.  All of this made me feel extremely confident that he may be the dude....so why am I so anxious and nervous?? I mean it's not like it can get any worse than it was last week, I freaking blacked out in the middle of a conversation....and threw up shortly after.  I guess there's  always that thought in the back of your mind whispering ever so softly, "what if he says you have a month to live????" Now, I know...in my heart, that's not the case...but that still doesn't make it any easier, and that devilish whisper still tries to make it's way into my subconscious every once in a while......nothing a little prayer and Fred Hammond can't fix :o)
So come on people!! Send some positive energy and prayers my way!!!

BY THE WAY, YOU GUYS HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU!!! WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT, YOU'RE IN THIS FIGHT WITH ME....SO HA!!!!

Stay tuned for Pt. 2 :o)

~Faith sees the invisible, believes the incredible, and receives the impossible~
Anonymous

~TRUST HIM~

I can still drink wine right???? cuz I'm gonna!!

Generally around this time of year I would be knee deep in educational books and literature, reading up on the latest behavioral research, seeing what's new in the world of education and getting super excited to get back in the classroom.  The literature I am currently surrounded by is a little different.  Instead of Classroom Management: 50 Essential Things To Do, I am reading Cancer: 50 Essential Things To Do.  Instead of staying up all night eating ice cream and taking notes from interventioncentral.org, I'm staying up all night not eating anything because it's after 7:30 taking notes from crazysexycancertips.com (which also happens to be my favorite cancer book so far!!! did I really just say favorite cancer book?!?!?).  You would think that since I've done this before, I should be able to quickly switch my remission uniform for my recurrence uniform without any major hiccups right???? WRONG?!?!?!? Hearing the jerk was back was like hearing it for the first time.......like I said in my first blog, it hasn't even set in that I had it in the first place. 
I am suppose to go back to school in 2 weeks and I am sooooo far from ready it's actually kinda funny (I'm the super duper prepared type when it comes to school which makes this so comical).  I have no idea how I'm going to manage my caseload being split between two classrooms, but I have a couple of sure fire ways to manage the nausea that may come with treatment!  I've learned so much about cancer the past year (not bragging....trust me) that I am expecting a certificate, or a diploma, or a medal...or something, in the mail any day now.
My latest OCD google project is alllll about nutrition and wellness (learning about cancer itself was waaay too depressing!!!).  The good thing about all this is, I have been forced to start that diet and workout regimen I have been meaning to start for the past 10 years, the bad thing is the 5 mile long list of things I CANT do and CANT eat.....I despise being told what to do so this may be a problem.....The very first question on my mind was, "I can still drink wine right????" (shocker!!!).  I assumed that too much beer and jager (sooooo sad about the jager) would be a no-no.....but wine? that HAS to be ok!!  I mean it's made from grapes which are antioxidant rich foods (I even take a grape seed extract supplement), they come from the earth, and THEY'RE FRUITS PEOPLE!!! With all that said, I'm pretty sure I should be on a strict red wine diet :o)
Cancer is filled with so many do's and dont's that I actually get dizzy trying to make sense of it all.  There's a bit of anxiety filled with EVERY SINGLE FREAKING DECISION YOU MAKE!! What's the best time to wake up? What's the best time to eat to be sure your body will properly digest and store the nutrients in the food you've eaten before you go to sleep?  Does broccoli have more cancer fighting goodness than onions? If I eat eggs, do I have to just eat the white part? What do you mean sugar is "tumor feeder"???? I CANT EAT ANYMORE SUGAR?!?!?!? YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS!!!! And don't even get me started on the vitamins and supplements.....what to take? what not to take? who to believe?!?!? who not to believe?!?!?  AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
ya know what??? I'm gonna go have a glass of wine....red of course :o)

~Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.~
Psalms 55:22

~TRUST HIM~

It's ok to cry...right????

Those of you who know me pretty well know I can be a hardass at times (sorry for the language aunties and momma!) and I don't like for people to see me weak.  I'm one of those, "I can handle this myself" type of people.  Rarely cry in front of people if at all...I save those kinds of emotions for the shower :o)  The thing about having something like cancer is, the emotions that come with it can get pretty intense at times.  For instance, I was in my car at Barnes & Noble (shout out!) the other day and I found myself watching all the people coming to and from various places, smiling and laughing, holding hands, eating icecream....going about their lives.  I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I was crying my eyes out and didn't even realize it.  Again, those of you who know me pretty well know that my saddness QUICKLY turns to anger...and I mean real quick.  At that moment I wanted to stand on top of the car and scream at the top of my lungs, "I HAVE CANCER! CAN EVERYONE PLEASE STOP WHAT THEY ARE DOING AND BE SAD FOR A MINUTE OR TWO!!!!!" lets just think of it as  moment of silence to reflect on....ummm...well, me!!  Ridiculous right?!?!?!?  I got over myself and drove home, fighting tears back the entire way....I even tried that trick that Tyra Banks talks about, you know the one where you tilt your head back and take deep breaths through your nose  (definitely not a good idea while your driving, I almost rear ended a dude).  When I got home I ran upstairs to the bathroom and lost my battle with my tears.  When I thought I had gotten it all out, I examined my puffy face in the mirror and I said, "It's ok to cry, right?".  I think that because I am such a strong person, crying equals weak and weak is the last thing you wanna be when fighting a beeotch like cancer. I also sometimes feel like crying means that I don't 100% believe I'm gonna get through this so I exhaust A LOT of energy preventing myself from crying.
The good thing about it is, I dont feel the urge to cry very often.  I am super blessed to have such an amazing arsenal of family and friends on my side that my heart is generally too full to cry (go ahead and say it....awwwwwwww!).
I recieved a message today from a friend I haven't talked to in years.  Me and this particular individual were inseparable once upon a time, the best of friends, never thought for a moment there would come a time when she wouldn't be in my life....but crap happens, right??? That time came and I honestly can't even remember why (isn't that usually how it works?!?!?).  So anyway, I get a message and when I saw that it was from her I almost fell down the stairs. The message was short, sweet, and to the point....but it was EXACTLY what I needed to hear at that moment.  I told her later, all B.S. aside that hearing from her made my day (Thank you!!!).  Another friend of mine sent me a message a couple days ago (that made me cry it was so sweet!) and at the end of it she said, "I doubt I can do much....", but that's just the thing, these little emails and text messages and fb messages are doing more than you think.  You guys cant cure my cancer (if Im wrong and you know how, contact me asap), but you can cure my "I have cancer so I'm gonna feel sorry for myself and try to trip all the healthy people so they fall and embarrass themselves blues" and that positive, happy mood is crazy important when fighting cancer...you have no idea how much all of it means to me so here's a big
THANK YOU!!!! for all you do, it's like I have a million (I clearly don't know a million people but you get my point) angels around me all the time :o)

~No Weapons formed against shall prosper~
(just may be my next tat...)

~TRUST HIM~

STOP STARING AT ME!!!!!!!!

Question, why is it when you get news like..let's say..."your cancer is back", you immediately start thinking about all the things you never got to do??? I mean, it's almost like it's written in our genetic code to freak out when we get that kind of news.  If you're waiting for me to say, "NOT ME!!!!", you're wrong. OF COURSE I FREAKED OUT!!! I wanted to jump up and kick my doctor in the teeth just for saying it! When you have cancer, you constantly worry about it coming back....but when it does, it's as if the thought never crossed your mind.  I didn't hear much of the rest of the conversation, I was still stuck on "The cancer's back" part.  "WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S BACK?!?!?!? IT HASN'T SET IN THAT I HAD it IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!!!" (I didn't capitalize it b/c I refuse to give cancer that much credit).
So yea...my cancer is back, those 2 lesions on my liver are tiny little cancerous jerks.  Because it decided to show it's crappy little face again, my doc said that my status has been "upgraded".....if I was able to speak during this little meeting I would have definitely questioned this terminology. An upgrade is something I want AT&T to give me so I can get the iPhone 4...Beyonce has an entire song about upgrades and I'm pretty sure she said nothing about cancer status.  
Many of you may be waiting for me to tell you exactly what the doctor said and I'm sorry to disappoint you but I'm not gonna! Reason uno: forget what he said, I'm not on his time clock I'm on GOD'S...Reason dos: I completely blacked out and don't remember much of it :o) Those defense mechanisms of ours are AMAZING!!!!!!  I honestly have little memory of yesterday, it feels like it was so long ago...it's like my body was on autopilot.  When I finally "came to", I was a mess.  I of course thought about all the things I haven't done, all the people I would miss, that pair of shoes I should have bought (Shyra, you know the ones), that money I shouldn't have saved....blah blah BLAH.  Then I looked at myself in the mirror and said, "Ebony, stop being so dramatic!!".  I literally had annoyed myself back to reality.  This isn't a death sentence, it's not the end of the world, and it's not a reason to blow all my money "one last time" (ummmmm, I think I spent an obscene amount of money online during my little "blackout"....oops).  This is exactly what I make it, and these two   1 cm wide lesions are not going to control my freaking life....PERIOD! (and the crowd goes wild!!!!!!) I'm waaaaaaaayy too awesome to let anything control me, especially not this crap.....I beat it once and I'll do it again, fa realz (yes I did say, fa realz).


~Philippians 4:13......nuff said!!!!!!!!!~


~TRUST HIM~

Seriously?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

If I had a dollar for every time someone said, "but you're so young!", I'd be rich.  Everybody knows someone who has, or has had cancer.  It's everywhere, you can't walk down the street or turn on the TV without hearing or seeing something that has to do with it.  So why is it that we think it'll never happen to us??? Seriously, why is that? I was definitely one of those people.....until I was diagnosed with it....June 12, 2009.... The very first thing that came to my mind (after I freaked out of course!) was, "Colon cancer?!?! but I'm twenty-freakin-eight years old!!!!" The more and more research I did the more I realized that cancer is a jerk, it couldn't care less how old you are.  So there I was, 28 yrs old, with colon cancer....now what?!?! My first little freak-out aside, I think I handled the situation pretty awesomely!!!  Got the diagnosis on the 12th, had surgery on the 19th, cancer-free on the 23rd...and all this with only 2 breakdowns!! (how's that for coping Aunt Jean?!?!?!?)
Okaaaaaayyyyy, now there I was, 28 yrs old, and a cancer survivor...now what?!?!?!? I spent a lot of time reflecting, journaling, and appreciating all the things we take for granted.  It was awesome, it was almost as if cancer had given me a gift (even though I kicked it's a**!!).  As time went on, worry started building up inside of me....cancer sometimes has the tendency to come back right? and its always worse if it comes back, right? what if mine comes back? what if mine comes back in the middle of the school year? WHAT IF, WHAT IF, WHAT IF?!?!?!?!?!?
 Sheryl Crow said it best, "....the bottom line is, even though the cancer may go away, knowing that you had cancer doesn't.  The fear of it coming back doesn't go away, either."

With cancer, comes a lifetime of what I like to call, "quality checks". Colonoscopy once a year, MRI every 6 months, blood work every 3-6 months.  I've gotten so familiar with all this, I could probably give myself a MRI while taking a blood sample.....under anesthesia.  So imagine my surprise when, almost a year to THE DAY, my oncologist calls and says my most recent MRI showed 2 legions on my liver and I have to come in for more tests.  GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!! ARE YOU FREAKING SERIOUS DUDE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? (I'm gonna take this time to shout out Gwinnett Medical, you're like the second home I wish I could sell) So they run test after test AFTER test and can't come up with anything because the lesions are too small.  My oncologist (whom I ADORE!) talked to a radiologist and they decided that a biopsy would be the best bet (apparently this dude can get a tissue sample from an amoeba), so that's where I spent my day last Wed....which brings us to today, results day.  The second my oncologist (lets call him Dr. H) said, "Let's go in my office, it'll be more comfy there", my heart dropped to my feet like a ton of bricks.  On the short walk to his office, I tried to mentally prepare myself for what I knew he was going to say.  Once we sat down and he began talking, I quickly realized there is NO WAY to prepare yourself for what he said.....but enough for now, I'll get into that tomorrow :o)
NITE!!!!!!!!!!

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
Proverbs 3:5


~Trust HIM~