STOP STARING AT ME!!!!!!!!

Question, why is it when you get news like..let's say..."your cancer is back", you immediately start thinking about all the things you never got to do??? I mean, it's almost like it's written in our genetic code to freak out when we get that kind of news.  If you're waiting for me to say, "NOT ME!!!!", you're wrong. OF COURSE I FREAKED OUT!!! I wanted to jump up and kick my doctor in the teeth just for saying it! When you have cancer, you constantly worry about it coming back....but when it does, it's as if the thought never crossed your mind.  I didn't hear much of the rest of the conversation, I was still stuck on "The cancer's back" part.  "WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S BACK?!?!?!? IT HASN'T SET IN THAT I HAD it IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!!!" (I didn't capitalize it b/c I refuse to give cancer that much credit).
So yea...my cancer is back, those 2 lesions on my liver are tiny little cancerous jerks.  Because it decided to show it's crappy little face again, my doc said that my status has been "upgraded".....if I was able to speak during this little meeting I would have definitely questioned this terminology. An upgrade is something I want AT&T to give me so I can get the iPhone 4...Beyonce has an entire song about upgrades and I'm pretty sure she said nothing about cancer status.  
Many of you may be waiting for me to tell you exactly what the doctor said and I'm sorry to disappoint you but I'm not gonna! Reason uno: forget what he said, I'm not on his time clock I'm on GOD'S...Reason dos: I completely blacked out and don't remember much of it :o) Those defense mechanisms of ours are AMAZING!!!!!!  I honestly have little memory of yesterday, it feels like it was so long ago...it's like my body was on autopilot.  When I finally "came to", I was a mess.  I of course thought about all the things I haven't done, all the people I would miss, that pair of shoes I should have bought (Shyra, you know the ones), that money I shouldn't have saved....blah blah BLAH.  Then I looked at myself in the mirror and said, "Ebony, stop being so dramatic!!".  I literally had annoyed myself back to reality.  This isn't a death sentence, it's not the end of the world, and it's not a reason to blow all my money "one last time" (ummmmm, I think I spent an obscene amount of money online during my little "blackout"....oops).  This is exactly what I make it, and these two   1 cm wide lesions are not going to control my freaking life....PERIOD! (and the crowd goes wild!!!!!!) I'm waaaaaaaayy too awesome to let anything control me, especially not this crap.....I beat it once and I'll do it again, fa realz (yes I did say, fa realz).


~Philippians 4:13......nuff said!!!!!!!!!~


~TRUST HIM~